I feel as humans we are always looking for something.
Be it a person, a reason or a lesson. Searching for answers is in our nature. Money, companions, time, all are just the tip of the iceberg for our desires that keep our greedy heart busy.
In reality, I feel what we are searching for are things that complete us, reasons to heal us of our own hate. We try our best to look for answers and consume positive energy to heal ourselves of the wounds that we give ourselves in our solitude. We try to find refuge in a community with the same insecurity we try to find ourselves in others, while we hope to find the answers to our crying soul. Only to find out that our heart can only last a few days with someone else’s affirmations. Then we ask why, why are we here again, here in this ugliness.
Was this not the answer? This worked for others, so why is it not working for me?
Well that’s what I felt every time I came across beautiful quotes, poetry and virtual lessons, I felt, “Yes! This is it, this is the answer I was looking for.”
I am sure you have at least once scrolled over social media or the internet and came across a quote or lesson that touched your soul. You may have even taken its screenshot or downloaded the image and made it your phone wallpaper. Put it up on your status or stories or even felt like screaming and preaching that phrase and lesson to everyone you knew from the bottom of your heart, thinking that, “This is the ultimate answer. The answer to my pain, suffering and my problems.”
You start to wonder how it feels to be that person that answers to so many of my sorrows, so much of my pain, and heals my invisible wounds. You get addicted to what I call —word drugs and start searching for them again when you are in pain. You crave those words that assure you. They speak to your inner-self and think, “They are also part of this world. There is a place for weirdos like us styled in their own artistic manner.” We unknowingly make those lessons our motto and ideal without knowing or maybe even fully understanding the true history of it.
And still, with these positive words and energy, a void lingers deep inside me, and maybe you too. It makes us go back to places where we spend every day escaping, then again look for places where we find our dose of these— word medicine, and begin to search for more. It is funny when and how this void will be filled, which is still unknown. After beating up oneself for years and trying something new, I realised maybe ‘The Answer’ is to give. That is to give to others without worrying about what will be left of you.
Someone once said that the most liberating feeling in this world is the feeling of not having anything to lose. Not having anything will fill you up with everything, write, speak, draw, and let everything go.
Give yourself and maybe surrender to what works best for you.
Everything I wrote may seem like a mad person’s banter to you reader, but I think a person’s opinions and words are never mad or even crazy. It's just a matter of perception.